A Mess of a Man Read online

  She leans over me and grabs a wad of my T-shirt. “You swear to me this has nothing to do with your Produce God?”

  “Ugh. I don’t know.” I groan, loud and not so proud.

  Her fist eases up on my shirt. “Okay, why don’t you look at it this way? You have no commitment to Trevor. Go out and have fun. Even if it goes nowhere, at least you got a free dinner and were seen out and about. If and when you see Produce God again, you can decide if he was worth the wait. Then you have your answer. But in the mean time, don’t burn your bridges with Trevor. At least if Produce God doesn’t work out, you won’t be left high and dry.”

  “Damn, you’re a schemer.”

  “Not really. I just like to leave all my options open.”

  I tap my finger against my cheek. “You know what you have that I don’t?” That question gets a deep chuckle out of her. For that, I clobber her with a pillow. “Stop being so dirty-minded.”

  “Well, what can I say?”

  “No. You think of the dating scene like a business deal.”

  I can see her tongue poking the inside of her cheek. “Yeah, I can see why you’d say that and you’re right. I do sort of treat it that way. Negotiations and all that.”

  “Maybe that’s what I need to start doing. And maybe I need to leave my feelings out of it, too.”

  Lauren’s arm waves around. “Here’s my advice for what it’s worth. Don’t let your feelings get involved until you know where he stands. Then you’re much less likely to get hurt.”

  “Ah, that’s how you keep the upper hand, isn’t it?”

  Scrunchy-faced Lauren gets into my space. “Jesus on a picnic. How the hell is it that you’re just now figuring this out about me?”

  I ball my hands up and rub my burning eyes. Damn, I am tired. “I don’t know. You know what a slow learner I am in the dating arena.”

  She pats my back. “Don’t worry. I’m a great teacher. And I’ll always have your back.”

  We finish up our beers and I tell her I have to hit the pillow. I can barely keep my eyelids from slamming shut on me.

  The next day, the phone at work rings nonstop. But a surprise shows up at lunch, in the form of a Cru Café delivery from Trevor, with a note telling me he can’t wait to see me tonight. Just what I need. Shoving all thoughts of our upcoming date aside, I dig into my lunch with a voracious appetite. I’m starved.

  After lunch, I start the search process of finding someone new to hire. Checking the calendar for the next week, I make sure everything is completed for our Monday luncheon for two hundred at the aquarium. I call and make the final arrangements. When I notice the time, I realize Trevor will be at the house in less than an hour to pick me up.

  My social butterfly of a roommate also has a date, so we cross paths in the living room as we run in from work. After a brief shower, I throw on a sundress and reapply my makeup, then check my hair. Not too bad for the crazy day I had. I finger comb it, going for the messy look, and decide to leave it down tonight. Then I add a touch of gloss to my lips and call it mission accomplished. I grab a small clutch to toss my phone, keys, ID, and some extra cash in just in case, and consider myself ready. When I walk out of my bedroom, Lauren is already in the living room.

  “You look great,” she says.

  “So do you.” She’s wearing dark skinny jeans, a glittery tank, and strappy stilettos. Her long blond hair is straightened, making her look even taller than her five feet ten inches. “You look like you stepped out of Vogue. So who’s the special guy? I haven’t had the chance to get the scoop.”

  She waves her hand, saying, “Please. I barely had time to do my makeup.” She tells me his name before quickly adding, “And he’s just someone I met through work. Nobody special, if you want to know the truth. But someone to have fun and hang out with.”

  “At least you don’t have to worry or be on guard. And like I’ve told you a hundred times, you don’t need any makeup. You’re gorgeous without it.”

  Two bright spots of pink appear high on her cheeks. Lauren is many things, but she doesn’t handle compliments well. She has no idea how beautiful she is. “I’m actually looking forward to tonight. And I love your dress by the way,” she says, changing the topic.

  “Thanks. I have no idea where we’re going so I figured this would suit almost anywhere.”

  She nods. “Good choice.”

  The doorbell chimes and we look at each other. “I’ll get it,” I say.

  Trevor stands on the porch looking more than mildly sexy. He’s wearing a black button down shirt with black pants. There’s something about a guy dressed in solid black that I love.

  “Hey Trevor. Come in.”

  We all chat a few minutes and then he and I head out the door.

  “You look beautiful, Sam, as you always do.”

  “Thank you, Trevor.”

  “I hope McCrady’s is fine with you.”

  “That’s perfect.”

  “Great. Shall we?” We get into his car, which is crazy because it’s only about four blocks, but then again, I’d rather not give him any ideas about coming back here. He parks in the parking garage directly across the street from the restaurant.

  “How was your week?” Trevor asks.

  “Busy.” I explain about the golf tournament and everything else that took place.

  He beams. “Sam, that’s so cool. It sounds like you’re connecting with the right people.” We toast each other’s success over a bottle of wine. Dinner couldn’t be better and we chat about everything, but most of it circles back to our respective business enterprises. Trevor seems like a different person, like he’s finally matured into a responsible adult. It’s refreshing to see.

  “It’s funny, isn’t it?”

  “What?” I ask.

  “When we dated before, we hardly ever spoke about our work. And now look at us. I think we’ve changed.”

  “Hmm. Maybe so.”

  “Well, maybe I’m the one who’s changed. Grown up some. Realized that what I was doing was a little on the ridiculous side,” he says pensively.

  He takes in my raised brows.

  “Okay.” He lets out a little chuckle. “A major lot on the ridiculous side. I’ll be honest, Sam. I made a lot of mistakes. I don’t know how much you saw, but I wasn’t right. Not to you. You caught me at a bad moment, for sure. But I’ll confess that wasn’t the first. And truth be told, because you deserve to hear it, I slept around while we dated. I got hit on all the time. It’s like when I went out alone, it was a free for all. I was a shit and I know it. And you didn’t deserve that. My apology comes way too late, but you have it nonetheless.”

  “Wow.” I expel my breath. I’m not even sure what to think. I had no idea he cheated on me and now here he is, spilling his guts. Has Trevor gone up or down in my do not trust scale? “I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m shocked and disappointed, I suppose.”

  “Don’t say anything. At least not tonight. I wanted to come clean with you because I want us to have a fresh start. I don’t pound the liquor like I used to. I’m in control of things now. I realize I have what could be a huge business at stake, not to mention you. I’m not some young idiot running around anymore. I’m sure you don’t believe that, but I think on some business level you can relate to what I’m saying. I have a reputation to uphold, and I don’t mean the kind with women. I really do want to start on a clean slate with you.”

  We sip coffee over dessert and he tries his best to tell me he’s turned over a new leaf. Perhaps he has. For a moment here, I think he’s matured, like he claims he has, but then he springs all that other stuff on me and now I’m wondering about him again. It still stings a bit to know that while we were together, he slept with other women. I’m only half listening to him, because I’m stuck on those words. So that one kiss wasn’t a drunken moment but rather a part of a string of infidelities. I’m struggling here, trying to take it all in.

  “So, how about heading around the corner for another
drink?”

  “I guess we could do that.” Even though after his confession I’m honestly not into it, I find myself agreeing to go. Once again, pushover Sam allows herself to be dragged into something she really isn’t interested in. We leave and head to one of the livelier places on East Bay Street. Downtown is crowded this time of night on a Friday. People are everywhere, ducking in and out of restaurants, trying to get tables without reservations, and going to clubs. Trevor and I slip into a club and meander through the crowd until we reach the bar. He orders us drinks and we hang out for a while. As the time wears on, his behavior becomes less friendly and more flirtatious.

  He takes his hand and pushes my hair off my shoulder. “I’ve always loved your hair, Sam.” Then he leans in and kisses my neck.

  Whoa. I’m not ready for this. “Trevor, I thought we were testing the friendship waters.”

  “I know, but you make it difficult.”

  “Me? How so?”

  “You’re so beautiful I find it hard not to touch you. Come on, let’s go dance.”

  He grabs my hand and we end up on the dance floor. The music is loud and for a time, I forget about his confession. But then his hands land on my hips and he pulls me against him. His enthusiasm doesn’t turn me on like it used to. I’m not feeling this at all, so I try to disengage him in a nice way. But he’s become a bit aggressive and his hands move down, cupping my ass. I look up at his face and the glint in his eye does nothing for me. I try to take a step back, but his hands lock down and he holds me in place, grinding his unmistakable erection against me.

  “Trevor, let me go.” I have to yell over the music.

  He shakes his head as if he can’t hear me or he’s only pretending. I reach behind me and free his hands. When he releases me, he puts his hands on my shoulders and pulls me into him. When I look up, his mouth hits mine. Like the other night, I feel nothing. I squirm out of his kiss.

  “What?” Confusion clouds his eyes.

  “Really?”

  “It’s just a kiss, Sam. You’re overreacting.”

  I take a step back from him and say, “Then I’m going to tell you a truth. I still don’t trust you. So if you want to remain friends, you need to slow it down.”

  He squeezes his eyes shut. “Damn. I’m already blowing it, aren’t I?”

  “If you keep this up, yeah.” We’re still in the middle of the dance floor, standing among a mass of gyrating bodies. Awkward much?

  He nods. “Okay, I got it. No kissing. I promise.”

  I slant my head, assessing if he’s being honest with me. All I know is I need to get off this dance floor. Moving back toward the bar area, I don’t wait to see if he’s following. I don’t understand. He tells me he screwed around on me while we dated, but he’s turned over a new leaf. Is that supposed to make me feel better all of a sudden?

  His voice comes to me from over my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I guess it was a bit too fast, wasn’t it?”

  “Look, you just told me how you cheated on me when we were together. I caught you kissing someone and that was bad enough. But now you tell me it was even worse than that and for some reason you believe the slate is wiped clean. Well, it’s not.”

  “But, Sam, I’ve changed.”

  “Maybe you have. But I don’t know that. I haven’t been around you for the last however many months. And you’re going to have to prove that to me. Kissing and groping me on the dance floor when we just talked over dinner about starting out as friends isn’t the way to go about it with me, Trevor.”

  He holds up his hands in surrender. “Okay. I get it.”

  “I’m not sure you do. When I caught you kissing that girl, you broke me apart. You see, I believed you. I believed everything you told me, that you loved me, but your actions crushed me. You betrayed me. I never told you any of this before because it didn’t matter. When I saw you with her, I knew there wasn’t any reason to talk to you about it because if I couldn’t trust you, I couldn’t love you. So now you know. And now that I know what you were doing, it makes it even worse.”

  “Jesus, Sam.” He put his hand behind his neck and looks up.

  “Yeah. ‘Jesus, Sam,’ is right.” I look around a second and then I say, “I think I’m going to call it a night.

  “Please don’t leave.”

  “I think it’s best that I do.”

  “Then at least let me drive you.”

  “Trevor, I only live a few blocks from here and I think the walk might do me some good. You know, clear my head and all.”

  He eyes me skeptically, and I shut him down.

  “I’m not really giving you a say in this, and I’ll be fine.” Score for pushover Sam. And it’s about time too.

  As I take to the crowded sidewalks, my brain analyzes what occurred between us. Was I wrong? I’m reeling over the fact that he fucked around on us and I didn’t know it. How many times and with how many women? But if I’m honest with myself, I don’t care anymore because the real truth is, I don’t care about Trevor. And why is that?

  Weaving my way through the throng of people, I finally make it to a less crowded section of town and suck in a giant cleansing breath. I make it about a block and that’s when it happens. I take my eyes off of my bubble gum pink toenails and come face to face with Ben Rhoades.

  Big hazel eyes meet mine and for a second, I can’t think beyond my next breath. My eyes drop to her kissable mouth and I lick my own until I remember myself. I want her, but more than I should. The weird ideas in my head have to stop, but the liquor coursing through me makes me feel bold.

  I kick up my smile, which feels devilish even to me.

  “Samantha.”

  The innocence that turns her frown to a blushing smile makes my dick go on alert like a puppy at the door.

  “Ben, I—”

  I’m not ready to hear about the asshole she was with. So I cut her off. “It’s a nice night. But you really shouldn’t be out here alone.”

  Her chin lifts in defiance and it’s cute.

  “I don’t live far. I’m capable of walking home by myself.”

  I raise my brows, accepting her challenge.

  “Well, it’s a good thing I ran into you, because now you don’t have to.”

  Without giving her a chance to argue, I take her hand in mine relishing the touch. “I know all about feminine rights and all that. But my mother raised me to be a good Southern boy. So let me walk you home.”

  My charm is as thick as molasses. And she shakes her head in amusement.

  “You are something else, Ben Rhoades.”

  “That I am.”

  Remembering where she lives, we walk in the direction of her house. Her hand is soft in mine. And suddenly I feel like a teenage boy on my first date. Get your shit together, Rhoades.

  “It’s a beautiful night,” I say breaking the silence.

  She shrugs and the lift of her shoulders draws my attention to her amazing chest. I blink because the alcohol in my system is fucking with me.

  “Tell me, Samantha, how did you end up on the streets of Charleston this late at night alone?”

  It’s not really a test because I can come clean and tell her that I saw her earlier. Still, I’m curious what she’ll say. She’s quiet for a moment, too quiet.

  “I could ask you the same.” Her eyes lock with mine and I feel lost.

  I let her win the staring contest and glance away. Something about this woman makes me want more than I should. I have to get us back on track. Being with her can be fun. So I tell her the truth.

  “I was out with friends and decided I’d rather be home dreaming of you than out unsatisfied with someone else.”

  Her laugh is quiet. “You’re dangerous, Ben Rhoades. From anyone else’s mouth, that would have been a bad pick up line. But I almost believe you.”

  “You should. It’s the truth, scout’s honor.” With my free hand, I give her the salute.

  She nods and her hair cascades over her shoulder when she looks at
the ground for a second. I immediately think about how I can wrap it around my hand and expose her neck as I slide into her.

  “We’re here.”

  She tilts her head in the direction of one of Charleston’s famous single-styled homes. They’re called that because even though they can be many rooms long, they are always only one room wide.

  I hold out my hand with the intention of walking her all the way to her door. My motives are clear—to me anyway. When we get there, she fumbles in a small purse and pulls out a key. It dangles on her finger as I cage her in. She is so tiny, I could easily pick her up. Lots of images that have been running through my head like a marathon go on fast forward. I should walk away and continue to traverse this world alone. Closing my eyes for a second, I push back the melancholy of loss. I let the alcohol settle my thoughts because the well of emotions that threaten to rise needs to be tamped down. And there is one sure way to forget. One that works every time.

  “You can’t get rid of me so easily.”

  Her lashes flutter and I can tell I’m making her nervous. She doesn’t know me, not yet.

  “Thank you for walking me home.” She looks me squarely in the eye.

  I’d been focused on her mouth until that moment. I step closer and fit my left hand to the side of her head on the door. Then I capture her chin in my other.

  “Tell me. Did you let him kiss you?”

  Her startled gaze dances all over the place. “How did you know?”

  It’s time to play my card.

  “If we’d been playing poker, you would have just revealed your hand. But I saw you with him earlier.”

  I hold her gaze, curious about how she’ll spin it. She doesn’t back down.

  “I had a date. Is that a crime?”

  Oh, I’m really starting to like her.

  “It depends.” I rub my thumb over her lips. “Did you let him have a taste of you?”

  Her head moves side to side and she’s ready to say something else. But I don’t wait to hear her. I have to do what I’ve waited for all night. I angle her chin to where I need her and press my lips to hers. She’s soft just the way women should be. My cock jerks in my pants doing the happy dance.