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  KISSING FIRE

  A.M. HARGROVE

  Copyright © 2013 A.M. Hargrove

  Smashwords 1st Edition

  Smashwords Edition License Notes:

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without written permission of the author.

  Acknowledgements

  I promised myself I would make this short and sweet, but there are so many people I'd like to thank so here goes.

  Thanks Michelle Leighton! When I tossed around the idea of adding humor my next book, it was your encouragement that made me believe I could pull it off. I love you, girl!

  Next, this novel could never get anywhere if I didn't have such an amazing group of beta readers that gave me their honest input. So here's a ginormous thanks to Terri Thomas (www.mybookboyfriend.blogspot.com), Alana Rock (www.darkobsessionchronicles.blogspot.con) and Amanda Clark (globugandhootie.blogspot.com). I love you guys!

  I'd also like to extend a huge thanks to Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations for designing such a staggering cover. She truly exceeded any expectations I ever had.

  And finally, thank you Jennifer Nunez, editor extraordinaire and great friend, for all the effort and time you spend with me. But for the love of God, please stay off the caffeine! My body can only handle so many laughs at one time.

  Here's to the Hargrove family, who puts up with me when I'm so focused on a project, and I don't know anything else exists. I love you all. That includes you too, Jaclyn.

  “The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”

  Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

  KISSING FIRE

  Chapter 1

  Ava

  My mom was going to kill me. No doubt about it. When she found out I had just accepted a job, sight unseen, on the West coast, she was going to flip out. The ‘you know what’ would hit the fan in the Middleton house. First my brother, and now me. Holy Toledo! How the heck would I pull this one off? I just booked a flight to leave the day after next. I was going to Seattle to meet my new boss and start my new job. Cheezits, I was really in for it now.

  Mom had no clue what had been going on in my life. All she noticed was that I had put on a few pounds lately. The weight was the least of my worries though. Everything had gone to hell in a hand basket. The only bright star was this new job at SoftwarePlus and it was going to be awesome.

  Thank God my friend and trusty realtor Alana, was handling the selling of my duplex. Melissa, my neighbor that owned the other half, and I had worked out a deal. She would keep an eye on things for me after I left.

  Melissa...I was really gonna miss that girl. When I first met her I wasn’t too sure about her. I mean, she kind of scared me. She was a sumo wrestler in training and she was sort of frightening...and big. I mean really big. The first time she fist bumped me I thought she broke my knuckles. Then she told me she needed to un-girly me and that I was too much of a wuss.

  I never paid her too much mind until the night I had my run in with this loser I’d been dating, Mike Dixon, a.k.a. Mikey Schmikey. After a couple of months of trying to convince myself he was a nice enough guy and that I needed to give him more of a chance, I came to the conclusion that there just weren’t any more chances left in me. I had run slap out of them. The guy was a pain in my butt, besides the fact he thought he was the greatest thing that God had given to women. And, please God forgive me, but he was butt ass ugly. I tried...oh how I tried. But I finally decided to tell him that we weren’t going to make it as a couple.

  Well, Mikey Schmikey suddenly decided he forgot what the word “No” meant. He lunged for me, pushed me around, hit and then punched me, ripped my shirt off and did his best to maul me. When he unleashed his prized manhood, I looked down, and to my utter horror, my eyes nearly popped out of my head. Oh, it wasn’t because of what you’re thinking. No, it was quite the opposite. Mikey Schmikey was actually Little Dickie. I mean...itty bitty teeny weenie. Maybe even pinkie toe dick. A gurgle of laughter burst forth from the furthest depths of my being and it rose to a crescendo unlike anything I’d ever heard. I’m pretty sure Little Dickie had never heard anything like it either.

  To make matters worse, and I knew at the time I shouldn’t have said it, but I just couldn’t stop myself, I looked at him and said, “And just what do you intend to do with that? Have a little beanie with that teeny weenie?”

  His face went from tanning booth brown, to a mottled shade of red to outright purple, right before he growled and lunged at me, brandishing that pinkie toe dick (that is if one can actually brandish something that tiny) and yelling how he was going to teach me proper manners where penis size was concerned.

  Then, as he chased me around my duplex, I was screaming at him and frantically looking for some type of weapon to defend myself with. Unfortunately, the only thing I could lay my hands on was my favorite childhood stuffed animal, which was a rather large, dark brown dachshund. I started batting him with it and hollering obscenities at him and his pinkie toe dick. Oh, don’t worry. The irony was not lost on me that I was beating him with a stuffed wiener dog.

  Lucky for me, Melissa was home and upon hearing me screaming and hollering, she came barreling through the door and had Little Dickie and his pinkie toe dick in a sumo wrestling hold beneath her three hundred pounds of girth with him crying out, “Uncle, uncle!” And then he started to pee and his pinkie toe dick was squirting in the air just like you see those water fountains of little naked baby boys doing.

  “Jesus! What kind of man pees all over himself? Damn Ava!”

  “Look at him Melissa. He was chasing me with that thing,” I said, biting hard on my lip, trying my best not to laugh.

  “Ava, go get your phone right now.”

  I ran and got my phone.

  “Now take pictures of this. This needs to be posted all over Facebook and tweeted all over the place right away. Instagram it too. We’ll see how much of a man--hey what did you call him?”

  “Little Dickie with the pinkie toe dick.”

  “Yeah. Take a picture of that pinkie toe dick too. Hey, you got a ruler?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  Well, you need a little perspective here.”

  Suddenly, Little Dickie started crying, “No, please, I’ll do anything. Don’t do that. Please.”

  “So, what exactly will you do Little Dickie?”

  “Anything.”

  Melissa looked at me and I shrugged. I just wanted the creep out of here so I decided to handle this. “Tell you what Mike. Get out of here and don’t ever come back. If I ever hear that you even so much as breathed a word to anyone that you know me, these pics will be posted everywhere. You got it?”

  “Yeah. Yeah,” he promised.

  Little Dickie scrambled out of there, wet britches and all, as fast as his feet could carry him. He didn’t even bother to stuff his little dickie in his pants, not that anyone would’ve noticed.

  Melissa and I had a good laugh over it but I ended up with some serious bruises from his man handling. She wasn’t too pleased with that so she took it upon herself to start my sumo wrestling training. My program consisted of trips to the gym for some power lifting sessions and a daily consumption of large quantities of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream, specifically, Chunky Monkey and Phish Food. Melissa wasn’t very impressed
with my ability to pump iron. I could bench press twenty five pounds to her two hundred. I’d grit and gnash my teeth but the most I could do was thirty pounds and maybe eke out four reps.

  “We’re gonna have to get those arms in better shape. If you’d have had a little strength in them, Little Dickie wouldn’t have had a chance with you.”

  I groaned and said, “I know. Don’t remind me. I’m trying to forget. Everything in my life has gone to hell Melissa.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “My social life. My sex life. Heck, I don’t even know what sex is any more. If Little Dickie hadn’t been such an asshole, who knows? Maybe I would’ve done it with him. I just couldn’t stand him though.”

  “Listen, we’re gonna get you through this so you can get your confidence back. You just need a little weight on you. You’re nothing but a bag of bones. And maybe you should get yourself one of those vibrators. Don’t bother with the kind that need batteries. Go for the electrical ones. They’re much better.”

  Oh good lord, those were the last things I needed. An electric vibrator and more weight. I jiggled enough as it was. I probably was my own personal vibrator. I could barely squeeze my rear end into any of my clothes. Everything was tight. I was busting out of my “fat” clothes and had gone out and bought new things and those were already getting tight. Sumo wrestling, though I didn’t want to hurt Melissa’s feelings, was not going to solve my problems. It was adding to them. I was starting to resemble a duck when I walked. Even my brother had mentioned something the other day and he was such a kind hearted person. He wanted to know if I was having foot issues. I wasn’t following.

  “Ava, you’re walking a bit funny. I was wondering if your feet are bothering you.”

  “Oh good lord Pearce. I’m fat and I’m waddling. That’s what’s wrong with me. My feet are fine. They’re just not used to toting around all this excess baggage.”

  He had the decency to blush and apologize. He patted my hand and asked, “Is everything okay? Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

  “No. I’m fine,” I said glumly. He hugged me and we parted ways. He didn’t have time for me. He was busy with his life now. His wife Lexi had just announced she was three months pregnant and they were redoing their house. They wanted to transform one of the guest rooms into a nursery and they were also interviewing nannies. Lexi still wanted to work so they wanted to hire a live in nanny.

  I pulled myself back to my issue at hand...my mom. There was no getting around it. She would have to be told about my new job and the sooner the better. Maybe I could take her out to dinner and tell her in a public place where she couldn’t make a scene. Nope, that wouldn’t work, I decided. She would still make a scene. I was so screwed.

  Oh, to hell with it. Biting the bullet, I grabbed my purse and headed over to my parents. They didn’t live but a few blocks from me so I just walked like I always did. When I got there, I was glad to see both of their cars at home. Might as well get it over with, I thought.

  Now I’m not trying to brag or anything, but my parents lived in a grand house on the battery in Charleston, South Carolina. I was fortunate to have been born into a family of means.

  Betty, my parents’ cook, was in the kitchen when I walked in and she immediately tried to shove food into my mouth.

  “I know you love to do this, but I’m trying to shed some of this weight I’ve gained. I need to get back into my clothes,” I protested.

  “Ack! You girls like to be too skinny these days.” She sounded like Melissa.

  “This girl just wants to get into her clothes!”

  I wandered into the den, where I’d hoped my parents would be but they weren’t. Betty followed me and said, “Check the side terrace. They’re probably having a glass of wine out there.”

  Sure enough, that’s exactly where they were.

  “Hey,” I said as I walked through the doors.

  “Hey! We didn’t know you were coming,” my mom said.

  “Surprise!” I sort of did a little head bob thingy, trying to be funny. They didn’t get it. Okay. Time to spill it. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

  “Oh? Is everything okay? Are you in love?” my mom asked.

  Ugh. It’s what she always wanted to know. It was the number one topic on her mind...whether or not her daughter was in love. I knew she meant well, but it drove me batty. Maybe if she knew about Little Dickie, she’d stop.

  Smiling, I said, “No Mom, but I’ve got some really exciting news I wanted to share. I’ve taken a job promotion.”

  “That’s great honey. Congratulations.” She sounded as excited as she did when she was waiting for water to boil.

  “Thanks!” She always said I’d be sorry for leaving MedSoft, one of the companies that the Middleton’s owned. An opportunity with another national software company had opened up and I grabbed it. She didn’t think it was a good idea at the time. So now, here I was, telling her of my new job opportunity.

  “So, when do you start?”

  “Well, Mom and Dad, here’s the thing. I’ve already accepted the position. I’m meeting my new boss the day after tomorrow.

  “That’s great honey.”

  “And I’ll also be looking for a place to live.”

  “Why do you need to do that?” Mom asked.

  “Because I’ll be moving to Seattle.”

  You could’ve heard a pin drop; and then came the nuclear explosion.

  “You accepted a position in Seattle and you didn’t discuss it with us first?” my mom screeched.

  “No Mom, I didn’t. You do realize that I’m an adult and I have to make my own decisions regarding my career, don’t you?”

  She glared at me before saying, “Avery Susan Middleton, don’t you dare ask me questions like that. Of course I know that. But you know good and well that you normally discuss these kinds of things with us.”

  “Well, I didn’t this time because there wasn’t anything to discuss. My mind was made up. I want to leave Charleston and make a brand new start somewhere. This job came up and opened that door for me.”

  Then came the wailing. Oh my God, the floodgates opened and I may as well have started building my arc. She went on and on. Talk about drama. My mother was the queen of all things drama. When my brother Justin had moved, you’d have thought the world had ended.

  Now there was a story. Justin’s fiancé had died when her car had exploded. It was a horrible tragedy that Justin could never get over, so he moved away from Charleston to make a new life for himself. My mom, instead of saying, “Justin, you go and have a wonderful life,” worried more about herself. It was all because she was the first mother who had a son to move across the country. Oh brother, help me now.

  My mom had yet to go and visit him. He didn’t want to come back here, for obvious reasons. And then, he was lucky enough to meet someone whom he fell in love with. They ran off and got married and my mom was actually pissed she didn’t get an invitation to the wedding. Well, I said it then and I’ll say it forever--get over yourself already Mom. My mom had gotten so self-centered in her older age. She needed to get a job or something.

  “In any case Mom, I’m sorry you’re not excited for me. I’m getting an opportunity of a lifetime and I thought I’d snap it up. I leave on Wednesday. I need to find an apartment and I’ll stop by to visit Justin of course.”

  “Well, isn’t that sweet. You’ll get to meet his new bride,” she added sarcastically.

  “Yeah, I am excited about that. But, more importantly, I’m really happy for him. I hope she makes him as happy as Terri did.”

  “Honey, congratulations.” It was the first time my dad spoke.

  “Thank you Daddy.”

  He stood up and hugged me tight. “Will you stay and eat with us?”

  “Naw, I gotta go and start getting things in order.”

  “I understand. If you need us to do anything, just let us know. We love you honey and call us when you get there
.”

  “Okay Daddy.”

  I loved that man. I loved my mom too, but she could be difficult at times.

  I ran inside and headed upstairs to say good bye to Avery, my grandmother and namesake. She was a character this one. Ornery as all get out and proud of it too. I knocked on her door and then I heard her say, “You better either be brave as hell or have something really important to have awakened this old coot from her nap.”

  I just laughed.

  I opened the door and walked in.

  “Little Avery. Why you come here little girl.” I ran to her and kissed her cheek.

  “Your mama is complaining all the time ‘bout your weight, but honey, it sure gives you all the curves in all the right places. I believe it makes you look hot, child.”

  “Grandma! I can’t believe you!”

  “Why? ‘Cause I speak the truth?”

  “Partially. I guess I’m jealous.”

  “Well, one day when you’re old and you have grandchildren, you’ll be able to do the same.” She let out a hearty laugh. “So, what did you come here to tell me?”

  I told her about moving and she was as happy as could be for me.

  “I was happy for Justin and I’m happy for you. No one ever said you have to stay here. You haven’t been happy in a while, so I hope this brings you exactly what you’re searching for honey!”

  “I knew I could count on you Grandma. Will you come and visit me?”

  “You know I will as long as you don’t take me anywhere I have to wear a damn bikini! Well, unless there are hot men around for me.”

  “Okay Gran! I love you.”

  “I love you too. Now go on and be safe. But Avery, you find happiness and have some fun honey. Life’s too short not to have fun, child.”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  She always had a knack for making me feel better.

  Chapter 2