Cruel & Beautiful Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Published By Wicked Truth Publishing, LLC

  Acknowledgements

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Epilogue

  About the Authors

  Other Books by A. M. Hargrove

  Stalk A.M. Hargrove

  Stalk Terri E. Laine

  Published By Wicked Truth Publishing, LLC

  Copyright © 2015 A.M. Hargrove and Terri E. Laine

  All rights reserved.

  This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the author, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at [email protected]

  This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to peoples either living or deceased is purely coincidental. Names, places, and characters are figments of the author’s imagination, or, if real, used fictitiously.

  Cover by Sara Eirew

  Acknowledgements

  There is a group of people who deserve our thanks, namely our beta readers. Their patience with us during our first project together is deeply appreciated. When we started this, we didn’t dream it would end up here and without their input, it never would’ve happened. So here’s our biggest bestest thank you to the following people: Jill Patten, Adriane Leigh, Michelle Leighton, Liz Crowe, Andrea Stafford, and Kat Grimes.

  We’d also like to thank Sara Eirew for putting up with us in all the changes we asked her to make in the cover. We can’t begin to name them. (Runs and hides in shame!) Thank you, Sara!

  A hearty thanks goes out to Anne Chaconas at Bad Ass Marketing for, well, her Bad Ass Marketing!

  And a big thanks to Julie, Kris, Rick, and Amy at Red Coat PR for all their help, too!

  A RASPY VOICE WAKES me up. That’s not quite true because I don’t really sleep anymore. My body hovers in that place that’s not exactly sleep and not exactly awareness. After the last year, I’m not sure if I’ll ever get a solid night’s sleep again.

  “Cate?”

  “Yeah? What is it?” I’m instantly on high alert.

  “I think it’s time. I want to go to the hospital.”

  The words I’ve dreaded for weeks punch me in the gut. But I refuse to let him see it. “Yeah, okay. Let me get dressed.”

  “Cate? I think you need to call 911. I’m pretty sure I can’t get up to walk.” He inhales and it’s then I hear the faint rattle deep in his chest. Oh, god, how will I ever get through this?

  “Drew?” I lean over him and press my cheek against his. What used to be firm flesh is now nothing but skin wrapped around bone. My hands latch onto to his shoulders and it’s much the same. All the mass has vanished, stolen by the disease that ravages his beautiful body and soul.

  “It’s going to be fine, Cate, I promise. Things will be good. Just call 911.” He struggles to clear his throat.

  Always the positive one. I want to yell and scream, stomp my feet and smash things. But I do none of that. I look into his cloudy blue eyes that were once so clear and stunning and only nod. I pick up the bedside phone and make the call, asking the voice on the other end to tell the paramedics not to use the sirens or flashers and explain why. When they arrive at our house, I lead them to Drew, and then follow the ambulance to the hospital. On the way, I make the dreaded family calls.

  Hollow. That’s what I am as I watch them wheel Drew in on the gurney. Everything has been ripped out of me—my guts, my heart, my soul. I bite my knuckle as I stand there. He knows what’s happening. He’s a doctor. He’s charted everything out and explained it all to me, though I’ve refused to believe half of it. Why did he have to be right? My mind only wants to accept certain things. And this isn’t one of them.

  When we finally get to a room, he sleeps. The deep purple smudges beneath his eyes are a stark contrast to his pale skin. It reminds me of a time when he used to be so tanned. And his hair, which is downy fuzz grown back from the last and final round of failed chemo, is so different now from the thick mass of messy waves that were always sun streaked, even in winter. In this state, little more than a skeleton, he’s still my perfect Drew. And I ask myself again, for the thousandth time, how am I going to deal with this?

  Later in the day, when Drew wakes up, he beckons me to his bedside.

  “Cate, you know when I first saw you at that party, I knew you were my one. My it girl. And then you put up such damn resistance to me, I didn’t think I’d ever get you out on a date. But I did.”

  I suck on my lower lip, trying not to outright sob as I remember.

  The left corner of his upper lip curls, his little trademark that I love so much. It plows into me like a damn tank and I want to crawl into the bed next to him and cling to him forever.

  “I knew if I could get you out on a date, I could win you over. Thank god I did. You’ve been my life, Cate, my reason for being. I’m only sorry it all turned out like this. This,” and he motions with his hand up and down his body, “wasn’t part of my plan for you. I wanted the whole deal—marriage, and we got that, but I wanted kids, an SUV, a big house, and grandkids, too. I’m so sorry I fucked it all up, babe. But listen, I love you more than my life. And hear me out now. I want you to go home.”

  I nod and suck back my tears. “Okay. I’m going to go home and shower, because I’m kind of rank. I love you too, Drew. More than I can say.”

  “Cate, stop. That’s not what I meant. I want you to promise me something, okay? Swear to me right now.” His voice is firm, much stronger than it has been in days.

  “Okay. What is it?”

  “I want you to leave this room now and go home, but I don’t want you to come back after you shower. I want you to say your goodbyes to me right here, right now.”

  “What!? What are you saying?” My heart stutters in my throat.

  “I’m saying what you think I’m saying. I love you so much more than having you sit here by my side for the next few days. I don’t want that. You swore to me, Cate.”

  “Drew, I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can. Now, go. Turn around, walk through that door, and don’t ever look back. All my stuff is boxed exactly like I asked you to, and you know what to do with it. My parents and yours will be here, along with Ben. But you, you don’t need to be here. I don’t want you to be here. I want you to remember me as I was, when I was healthy, during our best time
s. Now, look at that door and take your first steps into your new life, Cate. And promise me you’ll live. Just live, Cate. Do it for me.”

  Two years and four months later

  THE BITTER COLD SLIPS THROUGH my wool coat as if it’s mesh, causing me to hug myself tighter. As I make my way across the street, the countdown on the crosswalk sign nearly ends, and I quicken my steps. The way my luck goes these days, I won’t make it across in time. Instead, I’m likely to get run over by a tiny Smart car, of all things, because DC cabbies are just as crazy as the ones in New York. And somehow I’ll survive, only without the use of any of my limbs. .

  Just as my feet land on the curb, a cab roars by, sending a slushy wave of ice and snow against the back of my legs and the bottom half of my coat. I shiver as the cold seeps into my very bones.

  “Great,” I mutter, dusting myself off while sidestepping the ice patches that litter the sidewalks after yesterday’s winter storm. Of all the luck. Washington, DC is supposed to be the exception to northern winters, or so I’ve been told. It’s just far enough south to squeak past the worst of the northern winter weather. Much like Charleston, historically, old man winter doesn’t dump buckets of snow in the area—or at least until I decided to make this place my home.

  Yesterday’s snow nearly beat the record of earliest recorded snowfall on October 5, 1892. We’ve missed that by a grand seven days. Great for me—not. I’m not a fan of the white stuff, which is why I chose DC over the Big Apple. My needs were simple and my requirements few when I made the decision to leave South Carolina about a year ago, two of which were to be in a big city and preferably north. What I didn’t bank on is living in a place where cold is the norm more months out of the year than not. Guess the joke’s on me.

  Jarred from my inner thoughts, I take the wrong step and end up slipping and sliding with wide arching, wind-milling arms. The comical movements do nothing to stop the momentum and I lose my footing. A hand snakes out from nowhere and takes hold of my arm while another steadies my hip. I have to glance way up to see my savior, who is somewhere in the stratosphere above me.

  Immediately, the dull gray of the day disappears and I find myself swimming in an ocean of tropical blue. Disbelief clouds my gaze because instantly I recognize the person who saved me. It’s as if fate decided to play Russian roulette with my life and I’ve finally pulled the trigger with a voracious bang.

  “Hi,” I stammer.

  The man with the aqua eyes and a face I can study forever stares at me a second longer than awkward. A wide-eyed gaze confirms he is just as surprised to see me.

  When he speaks, his voice is as deep as the shit I stand in. There is too much history between us. Yet, for a second, the sexy glint in his eyes glamours away all my reticent thoughts of the past.

  “Hi. I...ah... never expected to see you here.” That’s the understatement of the century. “On the streets of DC of all places, and me playing rescuer.” His southern drawl glides off his tongue like warm honey.

  Jostled some more by passersby, he doesn’t let go. Instead, he silently steers me out of the line of foot traffic over to the side of a building next to an ATM machine.

  Although we are both almost covered head to foot in winter gear, we are close enough that I feel the heat rolling off of him. Thoughts of the past flitter across my brain like the odd saying that someone walked over my grave, and I shiver.

  His gloved hand rubs down my arm as if he notices.

  “Are you living here now?”

  I nod stupidly because he has to be the last person I’d ever thought I would see again, especially since I’ve been mostly running away from him.

  “Yes. You?” I ask, truly curious if he’s visiting or not.

  A cloud of frost escapes his mouth when he sighs and runs a gloved hand through hair that appears highlighted by the sun despite the season. “I’m not sure.”

  My brows rise as I give him a conspicuous look before responding with a half laugh. “That’s odd. Either you are or you’re not.” My tone, although playful, doesn’t stop my gut from twisting into complicated knots.

  He shrugs. “I’m testing the waters. Now that I’ve finished my fellowship—”

  “You’ve finished?” I blurt, surprised by his admission.

  His smile is warm but doesn’t quite meet his eyes. And I feel foolish for even asking. Of course he finished. He was close to completion when I ran.

  “Don’t,” he whispers, moving in closer.

  Even on the crowded street his quiet word rings in my ears. The way he looks at me, it’s as if he’s reading my soul. All of a sudden, I feel the anguish he must see on my face. He holds my gaze a second longer. Then he straightens and continues as if no time apart has passed between us.

  “I’m temporarily working with one of the top guys in oncology. A doctor in his practice is out on maternity leave. I’m filling in, but it has the potential to lead to a full-time position. It could be an opportunity of a lifetime. However, I need to figure out if I like the area enough to make a permanent move. You know my heart’s in Charleston. The rest is up to fate.”

  That word again. Has fate placed him in my path? What are the odds that I’d slip and he’d be the one to catch me, miles and miles away from our hometown?

  There are many reasons why I shouldn’t be curious. The biggest of which is that I’d left Charleston after he gave me many reasons to stay.

  “I should head back to work. I’m already late,” I mutter with averted eyes.

  His hand halts my escape, making it impossible to move around him. Earnest eyes search mine before he decides what he wants to say.

  “We should have lunch or dinner? Something to do with a meal. I know your favorite is Italian. Word has it there is a good restaurant not too far from here.”

  “I don’t know,” I admit honestly. My captured eyes break from his in favor of the ground, searching for an escape hatch. As beautiful as the man is, so much pain surrounds any possible relationship between us. I hurt him when I left and I hurt myself as well.

  A finger lifts my chin as he forces me to stare into his gorgeous eyes.

  “We don’t have to talk about the past—Charleston, the hospital, any of it. It can be as if we’re meeting for the first time. We can make a brand new start.”

  My heart gallops like a thoroughbred on a wild boar hunt.

  “Drew—”

  He shakes his head again. “No, let’s try something new.”

  He takes a small step back before proffering his hand.

  “Hi, I’m Andy.”

  “Andy?” I’m sure my eyebrows shoot into my hairline.

  He leans in and whispers, “Calling me anything else would remind you of the past.”

  I bite my bottom lip because the name does stir ugly emotions in my stomach. They are the kind that turns my face red with fat tears spilling down my cheeks. I’ve run from those emotions and the man before me.

  Unable to do anything else with the hand offered to me as if in truce, I take it with a faint smile. “Hi, Andy.”

  He keeps my hand for many seconds, much longer than any stranger would. When we finally let go, a crooked smile that should be properly named a sexy smirk appears on his face. “Nice to meet you, Cate.” He playfully waggles his eyebrows. “Can I have your number?”

  The cliché line should be cheesy, but the way he says it would make any woman’s panties melt.

  I glance away, not wanting him to see how affected I am. More than that, he subtly lets me know that he realizes I’ve changed my number. That means he’s tried to call me despite it all. The fact that he doesn’t give me crap about it adds value to his declaration of a fresh start.

  He uses his black leather-gloved hand to touch my cheek and draw me from my inner turmoil. I’m forced to face him and the truth of my actions.

  “I see your pretty little head working. We’re here in DC away from everything. No one has to know,” he says before letting me go.

  The idea that
our family or friends might catch the slightest clue we’re considering dating freaks me out. After everything, I still haven’t forgiven myself. I shake that thought away. In a moment of free will, I pull my phone from my pocket. God only knows if I’m making the right decision, but I’m tired of running. Let me rephrase that. I’m tired of running from him.

  “What’s yours?”

  His smile thaws me from my face all the way to my toes. He doesn’t answer. The pads of his gloved thumb glide over my cheeks.

  “You’re still as beautiful as the first day I saw you.”

  His eyes laser onto mine in a way that sends a shockwave to my core. Just like then, I’m embarrassed by my reaction to him. The idea of his touch makes my center clench with expectation.

  I watch his lips move as he recites his number. It’s a wonder how I manage to hear him, as I’m transfixed thinking about all the things he can do with his capable mouth. The text I send is simple. Three words, the order of which come from my inner vixen.

  Lunch Dinner or Breakfast.

  Wanting to be sexy for the first time in ages, I begin to stroll away after a quick farewell with an extra bounce in my step only to slip again.

  When he catches me for a second time, he whispers, “If you keep falling, I’ll think you want my hands on you. And that will mean our first meal together will be breakfast.”

  His steamy words blow across my cheek and the heat causes a shudder to run through me. Since he’s at my back, I can’t see his expression. But I know well enough that his face sports a cocky grin. Only when I turn to say something, he’s already walking away in the opposite direction. I roll my lower lip in and gently bite. I try not to be giddy about having lunch with Drew… no. Andy. I force myself to push thoughts of the past out of my head. Least of which is how I can ever forgive myself. After all we’ve lost and how I left, I could have never expected that he would ever want to see me or forgive me, either.

  Yet somehow in the last ten minutes, my life has taken a decided turn. Worse, I can’t get my mind off of him. In all the time since I saw him last, I’ve worked hard at forgetting and trying to move on. I step carefully forward with nervous anticipation. The fact that I haven’t been with anyone of consequence since him scares me. To allow myself the vulnerability of placing my heart on the line freaks me out. But the possibility of breakfast with him stirs a hunger within me that food can never fulfill.