Cruel & Beautiful Read online

  “Oh gawd! Let’s go!”

  He’s chuckling as he backs out of the driveway. On the way to his house I ask him to fill me in on his parents. He doesn’t give me near the information that Jenna did.

  “My dad is a doctor, too. But he didn’t want me to go into medicine. He thinks it’s a thankless profession for the most part—too many hours spent away from the family. And in retrospect, I suppose he’s right because in his day, things were different than they are now. I won’t say you don’t work your ass off, but they have hospitalists who handle inpatient services, unlike in his day, so call is a lot better.”

  We pull into their driveway and, of course, their house is lovely. It’s not extravagant, but it’s beautiful. His parents greet us at the door. Jenna was right. Letty is very warm and gracious and I’m instantly drawn to her. Drew’s father, Ray, is quiet, taciturn. I get the feeling he’s not impressed with me. Drew must get his outgoing personality from his mother. Letty steers us into the den, which is a warm and cozy room, lit with a fire, and offers to get us drinks. Drew pulls me onto the loveseat next to him while his dad wanders off to get us each a glass of wine.

  “So Drew has talked about nothing but you, Cate. He tells us you’re at his alma mater right now and that you’re a junior.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’m studying accounting and journalism.”

  “You must be very busy,” she says.

  Understatement, I think. “I am and I’m looking forward to Christmas break.”

  About that time, Ray returns with our wine and I thank him. Drew gets his looks from his father because Ray is very handsome, but he gets his beautiful eyes from his mother.

  “So Cate, do you expect to have a difficult exam period?” Letty asks.

  Ray sits and stares. It’s a bit disconcerting, but Drew picks up my free hand and brings it to his lips. It surprises me how affectionate he is with me in front of his parents.

  “Cate will be very busy. She works her ass off, Mom.”

  I turn to Drew, pretty shocked that he said that in front of his parents.

  “Well, son, after she’s finished, you’ll need to spoil her then. She’ll deserve a break.” I’m surprised to hear Ray say that.

  “Oh, I don’t know about that,” I say.

  Letty leans toward me and says, “Cate, honey, let me give you a little piece of advice. When a man says they want to spoil you, don’t you ever refuse it, you hear me?” And she winks.

  I laugh and say, “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Mom, don’t worry. I plan on spoiling this one a lot. And I mean a lot.” Then he kisses my cheek.

  “I can see that, Drew.”

  We chat for quite a while and I have to say I feel very much at home here. Letty and I get along so well I hate to leave, and I’ve even warmed up to Ray. But it’s late and I’d like to spend a few moments alone with Drew. So on the way home, we park at a now empty tourist area, and sit and chat a bit. He’s leaving the next day on a late flight because he has early call on Saturday morning.

  “When will I see you?” he asks.

  “Ugh, finals start the week after next so I’m getting down to the grind.”

  “What are your Christmas plans? Are you coming back here?”

  “Yeah, but I’m driving since I get a month off.”

  He takes my hand and rubs a circle over my knuckles with his thumb. “Why don’t you spend some time with me before and after?”

  I think about his proposition and it sounds enticing. I could stay with him for several days after I’m done with exams, then go home. And after the holidays, I could go to Drew’s and return to school the Sunday before classes. “Yeah, that sounds pretty awesome. Are you coming home at all for Christmas?”

  “Yeah. From the twenty-third to the twenty-eighth.”

  “Oh, cool. Then I could come back to your place for New Year’s maybe?”

  “You’d want to?”

  He seems eager but then I just realized I’ve invited myself to his place for a date. Is that too forward?

  “Yeah, I mean if you didn’t have other plans.”

  “Cate, I only want plans with you. In fact, if we haven’t said this, I want us to be exclusive. I mean I pretty much took it for granted since we’re sleeping together and I knew you weren’t the type to sleep around.”

  “No, not the sleeping around type. So yeah, I’d like exclusivity. In fact, I demand it,” I say with false bravado.

  “So do I.” His deep voice sends shivers racing down my spine.

  A thought strikes me. “Hey, does this mean we’re going steady?”

  That corner of his mouth lifts and he says, “Not only steady, but strong.” He leans over and our lips meet. “Since we’re going steady, could I interest you in some car sex?”

  Giggling, I answer, “I don’t know. The closest I’ve come to it is with you.”

  Even though it’s dark, the light in the parking lot reflects the sparkle in his blue irises, and he says, “Since you’re wearing a skirt, I thought you planned it.”

  “Well, if your dad doesn’t mind—since it’s his car.” A giggle slips out.

  “We won’t tell him.”

  He helps me clamber over the center console until I straddle his lap. It’s a good thing the seats recline. My skirt gets bunched up around my waist and we must be starved for each other because things progress at a rapid pace. It’s all so incredible and the only thing I notice afterward is that it really is true—the windows get steamed up during car sex.

  When I mention this to Drew, he says drily, “I’m glad you were so taken with my skills, that’s all you observed.”

  “After,” I remind him, “not during.”

  “Thanks for clarifying.” He slides out and I ask him if he has any tissues. Fumbling in the console, he offers me a handful. When I move to slide to my seat, he stops me with his hands. “Stay. I’m not quite ready for you to leave here yet.” His hands hold my thighs and his pants are unbuttoned and pulled down to his knees. Damn, the man is sexy.

  “I want to spend the night with you,” I say.

  “No more than I want you to. This coming home sucks.”

  We both chuckle.

  “You look hot as hell sitting on my lap like this.” His half-lidded expression has me thinking the same of him. He grabs the tissues I hold in my hand and proceeds to wipe me, but instead of cleaning me up, it turns us both on. I watch in fascination as his dick springs to life. Not bothering to ask, I take it in my hand, lift my hips, and impale myself on it. His hands move from my thighs to my hips and his fingers sink into my flesh as he lifts me up and down, helping me, guiding me. My hands settle on his shoulders and I rest my forehead on his for a second, until he says, “Kiss me, Cate.”

  This is one of those moments when you think back and remember how silly it all is, but here we are, in a car for Pete’s sake, having some of the hottest sex. But that’s not all it is. It’s the way he stares, the way he breathes my name, the way his hands hold me. And it’s what’s happening to my heart. Drew McKnight is tangling himself in it until I don’t know which part of it is him or which part is me. And what I thought would scare me doesn’t. Not one single bit. I want to fall with this man. And I want to fall hard. But I think I already have. The question is—how does Drew feel?

  I don’t have to wait to find out. Because we both climax shortly after, and as we sit in the aftermath, he lightly kisses me and says against my lips, “Catelyn Forbes, I love everything there is about you. I never thought there’d be someone like you. I’m not a believer in there only being one person for each of us. But I know damn well it’s hard to find that perfect match. You are my perfect match. Please tell me I’m not alone in the way I feel.”

  I brush his hair off his forehead and say, “You’re not alone, Drew. I love you, too.”

  MY CHEST CONSTRICTS AS I watch Andy drive away. I berate myself for not being able to speak and say something to keep him from walking away. It all feels too familiar and I
have to force myself inside my building.

  The elevator closes in on me, making it feel claustrophobic. The pain of the day comes back and I wonder if I can ever get past it. I miss the carefree girl I used to be, the one that could laugh and look forward to a bright future. Now the gloominess of winter pulls me into darkening clouds. Life has lost its luster and I think I might have lost the one shot I had at happiness.

  When the doors open, I shoot out like a light. I wonder how I can blur the lines between the past and the future. Guilt is what holds me back. Yet the promise of love is what pushes me forward.

  I strip out of the dress and jewelry. I let my hair tumble down onto my shoulders. Then I step into a cleansing shower. The guilt of walking out of the hospital room as requested, and then of running out and leaving things, presses on my chest like a fifty pound weight. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to move on. As water sloshes over me, I make a decision.

  After dressing in comfy pjs, I pick up my phone and begin to type. I hesitate for a second and read over my words before I hit send.

  ME: I’m sorry.

  I stare at the wall a long time waiting for a response and get nothing before sleep claims me. Sunday rolls in with snow flurries. I get laundry done and begin work on the policies and procedures manual I’m writing for Ted’s accounting department because I’m just that lame. I chat with Mandy and Jenna for only a few minutes each, really not up for conversation.

  Mom calls and complains about Shannon. Apparently, she missed curfew. My bother has a girlfriend that my mother describes as the princess of doom in all her black, from clothes, to lipstick, to nail polish and hair. She’s out of sorts and Dad now thinks he has some rare disease she can’t pronounce because he has five of the seven symptoms, which are the same symptoms you get with the common cold according to her. I finally get her off the phone and take stock of my life. I’m alone with no dating prospects because I’m not going to France with Ted no matter how rich he is. I never get butterflies when I’m with him. I’ve had butterflies before and I can’t settle for less than that.

  When Monday arrives, the snow is falling in thick clumps, accumulating on the roads and sidewalks. I walk to my office because there is a delayed opening for Ted’s office. Cabin fever won’t allow me to stay in; I need to get out before the walls press in on me any further.

  Once I get to the office, it feels like I haven’t seen my desk in ages. Because the snow is coming down hard, the place is pretty vacant even as late as nine, when usually the office is bustling by this hour.

  “Cate.” I glance up and see Daniel in my doorway. “Do you have a minute?”

  “Sure.” I’m grateful from the diversion of my inner thoughts. When he sits, I say, “What’s up?” as I clasp my hands on top of my desk.

  “That night we all went out,” he begins. “I was trying to ask you out.” Oh, boy, this is going to get weird. “Because I wanted to talk to you about Mandy.” I inwardly sigh, both relieved and mortified. I’d assumed he was into me. “I’ve liked her forever. Only she sees us as just friends.”

  Interesting.

  “What about what happened that same night between you two?”

  I’m not sure I should let him know I know what happened between them. Then again, he’s here for advice. He has to know girls talk.

  “What about it? She was wasted and tried to pull my clothes off,” he admits freely. I relax because he’s okay talking about it. “When I wouldn’t comply with her grabby hands, she took off hers.” He face reddens and he actually blushes. It’s sort of cute. “I tried to fend her off because I didn’t want her to regret anything that happened between us the next day. She persisted until she finally passed out face first on her bed.”

  “Nothing happened that night?” Mandy has no idea and she does regret what she thinks happened.

  He shakes his head. “I slept in her bed only because you hear about drunken people choking and dying on their vomit. I didn’t want to leave or sleep on the couch knowing I could have saved her, in case something like that happened. When I woke up, she was already up and talking on the phone to someone.” That someone was probably me. “She practically shooed me out of her apartment. And ever since, she’s done her best to offer up friends and relatives she wants to set me up with.” His eyes are earnest and I can tell he’s at a loss. “What should I do?”

  I love Mandy, but she’s lying to herself about her feelings for Daniel. She’s totally into him but for some reason won’t admit it.

  “Give her a dose of her own medicine,” I say with a shrug.

  We talk for a little while longer before the office starts to come alive. Mandy makes her way into my office when she stops short.

  “Daniel,” she says and the shock is evident in her voice. I hope she doesn’t think something is going on between us.

  He turns in her direction before he stands. “Thanks, Cate,” he says over his shoulder. To her, he says, “Morning Mandy. I was just telling Cate that I plan on taking your advice. I’m going to ask Tammy out. You know—the Tammy downstairs. She’s a receptionist for the law offices.”

  Mandy nods and Daniel walks out after his declaration. I watch her pale.

  “I can’t believe he’s going to ask her out. She’s cute and busty but …”

  “She’s not you,” I finish for her.

  She nods before shaking her head. “No, that’s not it. It’s a good thing he’s moving on.”

  Clearly, she isn’t ready for a reality check. I decide to clear her mind about one thing.

  “He came in to talk about how weird you’re acting. He says that nothing happened between the two of you that night.”

  Her eyes snap to attention.

  “We didn’t have sex?”

  “Nope. He says you were all over him though until you passed out.”

  “I was naked,” she says absently.

  “He says that was all you. And he blushed while recalling it. I think you’re crazy for not going out with him.”

  Just when I think I’ve gotten through to her, she asks, “And what about you and that gorgeous doctor?”

  I chew on her words all morning long. Hadn’t my words been advice I should take for myself? I glance at my phone. Andy hasn’t texted me back. If he were any other guy, I would let it go and consider it a loss. But he isn’t just another guy. We have history. History I’m not ready to give up on, I realize.

  I pick up my phone and try again.

  ME: I am sorry. I wonder if you would be up for a blind date.

  I stare at my phone and wait for a reply. After a couple of minutes, I set my phone down. He’s probably working and not ignoring it, I think, giving myself an internal pep talk.

  Just as I start to type again, my phone rings. I’m so hopeful it’s Andy, I don’t bother to wait until the caller’s name pops up before I grab it and place it to my ear.

  “Hello.”

  “Sorry, huh?”

  Despite his gruff tone, his voice is the oxygen I need to breathe. I say, “Truly.”

  “So sorry, you want to send me on a date with someone else?”

  I hear people talking in the background. He must be at work. I clamp a hand over my eyes. I guess what I thought were clever words come off as an epic fail.

  “No, no one else. That wasn’t what I meant.”

  “But—”

  I cut him off. “Me. I want you to be blind to how stupid I’ve been and give me a chance to take you out to dinner.”

  “Oh,” he says taken aback. “That kind of blind date.”

  “Yes, it seems I’m not the wordsmith I thought I could be.”

  There is a lingering pause that crosses into heavy awkwardness.

  “Cate,” he begins and it sounds like regret.

  No one likes rejection, least of all me. “We can go as friends,” I blurt. “Just let me make it up to you.”

  “Friends?”

  His one word question doesn’t give me enough to
read whether he thinks it’s a good or bad thing.

  “Yeah. I mean even though things were super-fast with us. I think on some level we connected as friends initially. Isn’t that the basis of a good relationship?”

  Another pause. I think I’ve blown my shot when he finally speaks.

  “When would this blind date occur?”

  I’m ready with an answer. “Whenever you’re available.”

  This time the silence between us isn’t so unbearable. He’s hopefully checking his schedule and not thinking of a way to blow me off.

  “I work late tonight. Then I start morning rotations tomorrow. Wednesday night would work because I don’t have office appointments until the afternoon on Thursday.”

  “That works. I don’t get off until six. So I could be in Baltimore by eight.” I would have to go home to shower and change first.

  “You work on Thursday. Why don’t I come to you?”

  I’m feeling more confident, so I let the short laugh which sounds halfway like a giggle come out. “Now that’s not how dates work. I’m supposed to pick you up.”

  He doesn’t join in my laughter.

  “There’s nothing typical about you and me, Cate.” His serious voice kills the smile from my face. “Just tell me where to meet you.”

  Why do I have the feeling that what I hope will be a rekindling will ultimately turn out to be a goodbye? Because shouldn’t he be asking to pick me up? I glance at the clock on my computer.

  “Give me until noon to make a reservation, and then I’ll text you the location.”

  “Sounds good. I have to go. Duty calls.”

  “Sure,” I say weakly.

  And he hangs up.

  I want to call Jenna, but I know what she’ll say. She’s said it a thousand times already and it might be too late for everything. At least I’ll get the chance to ask him about the woman he was kissing at the hospital and the date with Désirée. We hadn’t talked about commitment. So do I really have a reason to be mad, especially when I’ve been the hot and cold one?

  That’s probably why he agreed to meet me. He wants to tell me he’s seeing other people and I should too.