Tragically Flawed Read online

  “Well, I hadn’t thought about it, but how did you know what I’d be wearing?”

  His lips curved slightly and he said, “Just a guess. Our ride is right over here.”

  He guided her to a sleek black Mercedes CL65 coupe. Not having the slightest clue about cars, Riviera knew by the look of it that it was expensive, but she would’ve croaked had she known just how expensive.

  Shan stopped her as she reached for the door handle. “Allow me.” Opening the door, he held her hand while she sat inside and then closed the door behind her. Riviera never had anyone do that for her before, so she was a bit surprised. She inhaled the rich smell of leather and sighed.

  Shan slid into his seat and cranked the engine to life.

  “I get it now,” Riviera said with a smile.

  “Get what?” he asked in confusion.

  “I’ve always heard the term ‘the engine purred,’ and now I get it. This car purrs.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, I guess it does, doesn’t it?”

  “So, since I’m pretty much a moron when it comes to cars. What the heck is this thing, anyway?”

  Deciding to downplay it a bit, he replied, “Oh, it’s a Mercedes.”

  “I see. It’s very nice. Do you like it?”

  “Yeah, I do. It’s a decent ride,” he said nonchalantly.

  “Hmm. Decent ride. Okay.” I wonder what he thinks of the POS I drive around.

  “How was your therapy session, or am I not allowed to ask that?”

  Riviera laughed at him. “You can ask me anything, but I can’t guarantee I’ll answer you.”

  “Ah, so that’s how it’s going to be, is it?”

  “Only where my therapy is concerned. And … maybe a few other things,” she said warily.

  Sensing the change in her, Shan immediately said, “I understand, Riviera. Listen, if I ever ask you something that makes you uncomfortable, just say so, okay?”

  “Okay, I will. Shan, talking about my therapy session makes me uncomfortable,” she smiled.

  "I hear you loud and clear."

  The restaurant was only a mile from Amie's. When they pulled into the parking lot, a valet opened her door and assisted her out. Under the canopy at the entrance, Shan folded her arm on his and escorted her inside. It was a lovely September evening, but a fall chill was already in the air.

  The maître d’ took them to their table, tucked in a private alcove with several tall, pillared candles surrounding it. It was lovely.

  “This is so pretty, Shan.”

  “It is. I’ve been here before, but I’ve never eaten in this private room. I requested something secluded but didn’t know they had this little area.”

  “It’s perfect. Thank you for bringing me here.” Riviera was pleased because no one had ever taken her anywhere special. When she thought about it, she realized she’d never really been on a true dinner date.

  “I could say something really cheesy now like, ‘A penny for your thoughts,’ or I could just ask what's on your mind. You have a very satisfied look on your face.”

  Her face warmed, but she decided to be truthful with him. “I’ve never been on a dinner date before and I was just thinking how special this is.” Feeling a bit embarrassed, she dropped her gaze to her hands clasped in her lap.

  “I’m happy I’m your first dinner date, then.”

  Her head lifted to see him observing her. “So am I.”

  “May I speak freely?” he asked suddenly.

  She nodded, not wanting to look away from him.

  “I’m really glad you didn’t cancel tonight. I’m so ashamed over what you saw the other day and I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am.”

  “Shan,” she interrupted, “I think we need to close that door and move forward. I’ve thought a lot about it and you didn’t do anything wrong. So let’s just not mention it again, okay?”

  Looking at her through half-closed eyes, he scrutinized her, trying to determine if she was brushing the incident off or if she really wanted to move forward.

  “Tell me one thing. Do I still make you uncomfortable?”

  Well, fuck me right on this table. Hell yes, but not in the way you think!

  “No, Shan. I feel perfectly safe with you.”

  “Why do I get the feeling you’re hiding something from me?”

  Because I am. I want you to do what you did to yourself again. I want to watch you, Shan. God, you’re so damn sexy!

  “Maybe it’s because I’m not exactly comfortable in any situation where I’m alone with a man. Like I told you, I’m the girl with a pile of baggage.”

  Riviera reached for her glass and took a drink of water. The waiter showed up and Shan ordered a bottle of wine. When the waiter left, Shan picked up Riviera’s hand and wove his fingers with hers. Then he started to make little circles around her first knuckle with his thumb and forefinger.

  That tiny movement sent an electrical current down the highway that led straight between Riviera’s thighs, causing her to ache and throb as her desire surged. It became impossible to ignore and soon had her squirming in her seat. She clamped her thighs together and nearly moaned.

  “Riviera, are you okay?”

  She jumped and cried out, “I have to use the restroom.”

  Having no idea where the damn restroom was, she darted off and asked the first person she saw. He directed her toward the back of the restaurant, and she flew into the first available stall. By the time she got there, she was puffing and perspiring.

  Grabbing a huge wad of toilet tissue, she dabbed the sweat off her chest, neck, and face. She was nearly dripping … and not only with sweat.

  She slapped herself on the forehead. “Ouch!” she said, realizing she’d slapped a little too hard. Okay, she admitted to herself, it was a lot too hard.

  She left the stall and headed for the mirror. Taking one look, she cringed at her reflection.

  Her chest was blotchy and her dress was damp from her sweat. She’d wiped off most of the tiny bit of makeup when she’d blotted her face. She looked like death. And the crème de la crème was the handprint that had formed on her forehead from her own slaptastic stupidity.

  The door swung open and a waitress walked in. “Ma’am, Mr. Shandon wanted me to check on you to see if you were okay.”

  “I’m fine. Please tell him I’ll be out in a minute.”

  Trying to quickly get herself in order, she ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath. Her legs felt like rubber bands as she wobbled back to the table. She hoped anyone watching wouldn’t think she was inebriated.

  Shan immediately rose when he saw her approach. “Are you feeling okay? You’re not ill, are you?” his voice laced with concern. “You look a little flushed.” He reached for her and touched the back of his hand to her cheek.

  She smiled weakly and replied, “No, I’m good.”

  “Are you sure? We can leave if you’d like. You feel a bit feverish.”

  Riviera felt guilty about spoiling the beautiful evening so she leaned toward him and smiled. “I’m fine, Shan. Really.” She took a big swig of wine and felt its warmth hit her belly. She quickly took another large gulp.

  He gave her an odd look and suggested, “You might want to take it easy on that.”

  She let out a squeaky laugh and rubbed her sweaty palms on her thighs. “So tell me about yourself,” she said.

  “Ah, twenty questions. Let me see. I’m twenty-four, and the middle child of three. I’m the only one who wanted to follow my dad’s footsteps in his business. Well, my brother is the attorney for the business so he sort of is in it, but I’m the only one who does the construction end of it. And my sister is sort of floundering around. She hasn’t figured it out yet.”

  Riviera thought how nice it would’ve been to have had the luxury of floundering around for a while. She always had to scrounge for money and food, so that was never an option for her.

  “She’s a lucky girl.”

  Shan looked at her in s
urprise. “How so?”

  “She has the ability to flounder a bit and not have to worry about a roof over her head or food on her table.”

  Her comment made him wonder exactly how difficult her life had been. “I guess so. I never thought about it like that. So now, it’s my turn. Tell me about yourself, other than what I already know.”

  He noticed her stiffen a bit, and when she looked at him, her warm eyes hardened and grew distant. “You know it’s not pretty. I was a runaway. I lived on the streets for a couple of years, lying about who I was so I could work and use the homeless shelters. I didn’t want Child Protective Services to find me.”

  “How did you do it?”

  She frowned. “This sounds so awful now, but I would steal identities. Not in the way you’re probably thinking, but I would look through obituaries and use names of the deceased. I would never use Social Security numbers, so any job that required one, I just would never go back.”

  “Was it hard to find work?”

  “Safe work was very hard. There were jobs, but you had to be careful. I lived in places you wouldn’t want to know about. One of my favorites, though, was under the overpasses on secondary roads. I would tuck myself into the section that met the road and curl up into a tight ball. I tried to stay away from certain parts of the city at night. I lived in Chicago and it could get pretty sketchy. When I turned eighteen, I was able to get my Social Security card without fear of getting picked up by CPS. That’s when I got the job in the diner where I met Jasper. Before then, I would sneak into hospitals and YMCAs to use their showers, when I couldn’t use the ones in the homeless shelters. Nights were the worst, especially when it was cold.” She’d fisted her hand and her nails dug into her palm.

  Shan reached across the table for her hand. He wanted to comfort her, but as soon as he touched her, she jerked away.

  It surprised him, because she had allowed him to do it earlier.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I sort of got caught up in the moment.”

  She opened up her hand to him and he grasped it. He massaged the tiny crescents her nails had created. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “There’s nothing to say. It is what it is. It happened and I dealt with it. I don’t want or need pity, Shan.”

  “I'm not offering pity. I'm offering comfort.”

  Her head spun with his statement. He was filled with so many firsts for her. No one had ever offered her comfort, so she was unsure how to take his. “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “Riviera, a part of me wants to wrap you in my arms and protect you from the world.” His eyes burned into her, his statement nearly knocking her chair out from under her. “Was that too much information?”

  When the waiter returned to their table, Riviera was glad for the interruption. Her mind was tornadic with his confession.

  Shan ordered for her, and she was thankful because after inspecting the menu, she didn’t even know what half the entrees on it were. “Thanks. I was a bit intimidated by the menu.”

  He half smiled. “My pleasure. But you never answered my question.”

  “I’m not sure what to say.”

  “Did I offend you?”

  “No! Why do you ask that?”

  Rubbing his chin with his forefinger and thumb, he gave her a thoughtful look. “Because I get the feeling you don’t like what I’m telling you.”

  “That’s not it at all. Shan, no one has ever said those kinds of things to me. I’m a bit surprised. That’s all. Living on the streets taught me a lot. Not to trust people was one thing. But like I told you the other day, I trust you. I feel safe with you. You unnerve me at times, but for reasons other than …” She stopped suddenly and looked at him as her face paled.

  “What? Tell me, Riviera.”

  “I … I can’t.” She bowed her head.

  “Don’t you think we’re past the point of playing games with each other? I think after what happened between us the other day, we can see that … well, hell, I’ll just say it, Riviera. I think about you a lot. Probably in ways I shouldn’t, but you already know that. I apologize if that offends you.”

  “It doesn’t, and I think of you in those same ways, Shan.”

  He started with a slow smile that turned into a huge grin.

  “Thank God.”

  “But I’m scared.”

  “Of what?” he asked.

  “Of you.”

  “Don’t be. I won’t ever do anything you don’t want me to.”

  “That’s not why I’m afraid. I’m scared of the way you make me feel and I’m afraid of not being able to …” She found she couldn’t say what she wanted to.

  “Go on. Not being able to what?” he prompted her.

  Riviera bit her lip, hard. This was painful for her to say. “Shan, Jasper did things to me and I don’t know if I’m capable of ever having a normal relationship … you know, as in a, er …”

  “Do you mean a sexual relationship?”

  She squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. He still held her hand and gripped it a little tighter.

  “You won’t ever know unless you try. The fact that you are thinking about it should give you some sense of hope. And Riviera, if we ever go down that road, and if you find it’s something you don’t want to do, we can back away from it. Okay? Are we good?”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Good, because I’m tired of dancing around this issue. Now, you want to know how I really feel about you?”

  “Yeah,” she mumbled.

  Shan didn’t know if this was a good idea or not, but he decided to go for it anyway.

  “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I saw you that very first day. I think you’re beautiful and if I could kiss you all night long, I would happily do that. And honestly, there are many other things I’d love to do with you, but right now, I just wanna kiss the hell out of you.”

  Riviera stopped breathing. Literally. This man had just said all those sexy things to her, and her lungs wouldn’t draw air.

  “Say something, Riv. Don’t leave me hanging like this.”

  “That was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard.” She didn’t dare tell him that the sexiest thing she’d ever heard was when he was calling her name as he brought himself to an orgasm. If she had, she would’ve spent the rest of the evening under the table, hiding.

  Before she knew what was happening, Shan got out of his chair and crouched next to her, kissing her. It started out slow and sensual, him cupping her cheeks, but then his hands slid into her hair and the intensity built. Riviera softly moaned into his mouth, but he forced himself to pull away from her. She whined in disappointment and tugged on his arms, trying to pull him back to her.

  “Damn, that was sweet. I was worried you wouldn’t want to kiss me at all.”

  “I didn’t want you to stop.”

  “Believe me, I didn’t want to, but I was afraid if I didn’t, we’d still be kissing when the waiter brought our food.”

  “I didn’t even think of that.”

  “I couldn’t keep my hands off you a moment longer.”

  “It was perfect, Shan. I don’t want you to keep your hands off me.”

  That was how the waiter found them, Shan crouched next to Riviera, when he brought their salads and bread. If the waiter was shocked, he didn’t let on.

  Shan took his seat again and they ate and talked.

  “How did you stay warm in the bitter Chicago winters?”

  Riviera shuddered. “It wasn’t easy. If I went anywhere that had heat, I couldn’t stay long or the cops would come and ask questions. Since I was a minor, I had to be especially careful. I was always on the lookout for trouble. It was awful. Gah, I was so damn tired all the time. Freezing cold and tired. I can remember thinking how people would complain about the summer heat. Not me. At least it didn’t make you hurt and ache like the cold did.”

  The things she told him made it terribly difficult for him to eat.

  “Wh
y did you run away?”

  Her fork clattered to her plate. The noise distracted Shan for a second, but when he looked back at Riviera, he knew something was completely wrong. Her body trembled and her face was ashen.

  “What is it, Riviera?”

  “It's nothing.”

  “Honey, you can tell me. It’s all right. Perhaps I can help.”

  “It's one of those things I'd rather not discuss,” she responded woodenly as she stared off at some unseen thing in the distance.

  Shan knew she was hiding something dreadful, but he was wise enough not to pry. Riviera was a private person and didn’t like sharing things about her past. He’d drop it for now, but hopefully she’d trust him enough to tell him about it one day.

  “You know you can trust me, and I’m here whenever you need me.”

  When she looked at him, Shan realized she was appraising his words. He wondered what the hell had happened to her that had forced her to leave her family and home.

  “May I pour you some more wine?” he asked.

  “Please.”

  “So, how did you learn your craft?”

  Shan watched her morph from a deeply frightened, beaten puppy into a bright flower, opening its petals to gather the sun.

  She took a deep breath and beamed. “I met my godsend. A woman who came to the diner one day. We struck up a conversation about art. One thing led to another and she took me under her wing and taught me everything she knew. Eventually, I told her about Jasper, so she advised me on how to set up a bank account and keep everything hidden from him. When the time came, I left and had a nice little sum stashed away that helped me get out of Chicago. My biggest concern was about my car breaking down.”

  “You know, you ought to write a book. That’s an unbelievable story!”

  “I know, right? But I couldn’t write it because it makes me sick to think about all the shit I went through because of him.”

  “Did you always know you could create such beauty?”

  “I always liked to color and draw as a kid, but then I ran away and didn’t draw for years. What I loved most about the art was I used to dream about hiding from Jasper in those murals. They would be the places I would escape to when he would, you know. My mind would take me there and then he couldn’t touch me.”