Cruel & Beautiful Read online

  Suddenly he stops and turns, pulls me in his arms and says, “Have I told you how much I love you today?”

  “I believe so.”

  “Well, I’m telling you again.” Then he plants a kiss on my lips. And my excited Drew is back again.

  We get to the front desk and he bounces on his toes as he waits for the room key. As soon as we stash our bags, we’re off. It’s a blustery day with the wind coming off the lake, but we’re prepared with coats, hats, and gloves as we walk to all the cool places to see in the little bit of time we have. Drew drags me down Michigan Avenue to all the shops and tries to buy me things, which I won’t let him. Then we stop in for a mocha at a coffee shop. Soon it’s time to grab dinner. We eat at one of Chicago’s famous steak houses, Gene and Georgetti’s. He gets the bone-in rib eye and I get the filet mignon. The food is beyond delicious. He, of course, orders the wine, which is some sort of cabernet sauvignon, and it’s so yummy, I want to lick the bottle. But the place is pricey. Really pricey and I can’t keep thinking about it.

  “Cate, I can afford this. You don’t have to worry about it.”

  I lean into him and whisper, “It’s so high. I never thought.”

  He takes my hands in his and squeezes them. “It’s fine. Cost is not a problem here. Can I share something that may make you feel a little better?”

  “Okay.”

  “I have a trust fund. My mom is … well, her family is wealthy. Money isn’t a problem for me. I don’t want you to worry away the enjoyment of this meal. Okay?”

  “But the whole point of this is it’s my gift to you.”

  “Babe, the thought means more than anything and those tickets, and the fact that you arranged for me to have the time off, well that’s better than anything. The cost of this is nothing compared to that. Please get this off your mind. I want this to be fun for you.”

  “Okay. But I want you to know that just because you have some trust fund doesn’t mean I don’t pull my weight.”

  “Deal. Now drink up. We’re here to celebrate.”

  And the rest of the meal is much better now that I don’t have to worry about paying for it with my tuition money.

  When we leave there, we head straight to United Center. I almost have to restrain Drew. He’s been here before, but it’s like a shrine for him. When he walks in, he does a three-sixty to have a look. Then, when we get to our seats, he about freaks.

  “Seriously? How did you know to get these seats? Most first-time buyers would go for low and center.”

  “Yeah, I checked with Sam and Caroline on that. I wanted to make sure.”

  “I knew my girlfriend was smart.”

  “Not me, Sam. He told me corner seats because if I got center ones, they’d obscure the corners of the ice on the side we’d be sitting on. It’s what Caroline and I complain about all the time. So now I know.”

  They really are awesome seats. They’re lower level, but high enough to give us a great view and the greatest thing of all is they’re right on the curve of the rink.

  He grabs my hand and we walk down the row to take our seats. Drew’s thigh thumps up and down, his thrill of being here palpable. I wish I could bottle it up and sell it. I’d be a millionaire. He’s so damn adorable like this—not that he’s not adorable all the time, but this little boy thing has me in a constant grin.

  The game begins and Drew immediately is into it. Every now and then he leans into me to explain something or to tell me about his favorite players. But honestly, I don’t listen to a word he says. I’m so charmed by his elation, I glance at the ice just to make him happy, but my eyes are pretty much glued to him the entire time.

  It’s these special times that make my heart race, like when he flies out of his seat, yelling for his team with his arms raised. That’s when I feast my eyes on that slice of skin that peeks out beneath his sweater, and I lick my lips in anticipation of later tonight, when I can nibble on his delicious abs. And it’s when, even during the thrill of the moment, he bends down and plants a wet, warm kiss on my lips. I notice all the women around eyeing him and that’s when it happens.

  My heart swells so much it almost hurts. Pride nearly gushes out of me because that’s what I’m feeling. I am so proud Drew loves me. Out of all the women he could’ve chosen, he picked me—the one who never thought she’d fall in love. And I’m so proud of the fact he’s such a good-hearted man. He can’t say a bad word about anyone because of the kind and compassionate nature of his soul. I’m so proud he’s so giving of himself and even in the midst of my crazy family, he says kind things about them. But most important of all, I’m proud and honored to call Drew McKnight mine.

  He turns at that very second, catches my look, tilts his head, and asks, “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Oh, it’s something. The look on your face tells me so.”

  Pulling him toward me, I confess, “I’m proud and honored to call you mine.”

  WHAT FEELS LIKE A LIFETIME of memories flashes before me as Andy stands there with his hand held out to me. The remembrance of budding love, the sorrow of cancer—a faceless foe, even the crook of a smile for HockeyHo’s antics, and back to that painful day of my leaving. As the moments pass, I blink back tears and say nothing about the hefty guilt that hovers in the background.

  As Andy waits for me, I feel a tear slip through my barrier. It spills down my cheek as I raise my hand to take his. I want this man more than I’ve been prepared to admit. I let the pain of the past wash away with the tear as it drops from my face and crystalizes on the ice that is beneath my feet.

  He takes his thumb and gently wipes away the residue of long ago hurt. Then, I’m pulled forward feeling unsteady and worried about the future. His hand feels solid in mine and I know I have to trust him with my heart. If only I can trust myself. My momentum pushes him backward to smoothly glide over the ice. I’m carried along, wobbly at first, until he’s there to steady me.

  His earnest eyes haven’t left me once and I’m in awe of the emotions I see churning in them. The blue is as clear as the daytime sky and shines through the night that surrounds us. I’m romanced by how he is bringing me out of my own darkness through his guiding light.

  “I remember the first time I saw you.”

  His voice breaks into my tumbling thoughts.

  “You had no idea I saw you. I remember thinking that’s a woman I can see spending the rest of my life with.”

  I smile up at him. “How could you know that?”

  He hooks his hands in my coat pockets and draws me closer. “Mom told me when I met the one, I would know. And Dad backed her up. Corny, but they’ve been married for over fifty years. It’s hard not to trust their advice.”

  He doesn’t back down from my challenging stare and I become undone by his sincerity. I bury my face in his chest as he takes the lead in our lover’s embrace. We skate facing each other across the expanse of the ice, and he makes me feel safe in his capable hands.

  His words are soft when he speaks again. “I know we can make this work, Cate, if you let me.”

  How on Earth can something so right be so difficult? I pull back as he slows us to a stop. “Honestly, I’m surprised you did this.” I glance around and wonder what woman has had a man rent out a rink for a private skate. It has to be one of the most romantic things ever. “I was so sure you’d given up on me.”

  His tentative smile sobers to a pensive line. “There were times I wanted to,” he confesses before a lingering pause. When he speaks again, his voice lightens some from his somber tone. “I had to remember there are some things in life are worth fighting for. And you, Cate, are one of those. I want you; you have to know that by now. But I can’t promise I’ll chase you forever. I do have some pride left.”

  His admission is almost honest to a fault, which is why I know I can trust it.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you won’t run. Say you’re in this as much as I am. Say you want me the same way
as I want you.”

  The determined expression on his face causes a V to form between his brows. He’s in this for keeps. And it’s time for me to make that leap of faith. “When I took your hand and came out here, I’d decided I wouldn’t run anymore. I want this. I want you.”

  He raises my hand and twirls me. I’m not an expert skater but in his arms I feel like I can do anything. I spin but lose my footing and we fall in spectacular fashion.

  The sky above Washington, DC is too bright with manmade lighting to have a clear view of the stars. As we lie there, I imagine what they look like.

  “Are you going to get up?”

  I laugh. “I thought maybe we should stay down and make snow angels. It might be safer.”

  His chuckle comes from somewhere deep in his chest. Before I can think more about it, he’s there cupping my face and pressing soft warm lips to mine. I’m reminded again how good it can be between us. Then he stands up before me, and offers a hand up. “Come on, snow princess. There will be time for snow angels later. We should go skiing… soon.”

  Reluctantly, I’m up on my feet again. As we begin to skate side by side, I notice the dull heartache in my chest hasn’t completely left. Yet for once, I feel as though I can breathe through it.

  The magic of the night imprints on my brain as much as my heart. Lights that circle the rink along with the holiday decorations twinkle and add a sort of enchanted quality to our nighttime skate under the hidden stars. Even without a full-skirted dress and glass slippers, this man makes me feel like I stepped into a fairytale.

  The night only ends because the guy comes to tells us he has to close up for the night. I find myself smiling uncontrollably when we change back into our shoes.

  “Someone’s in a good mood.”

  “Only because I’m one lucky girl.”

  I’m still floating on the drive home. He turns off the engine after he finds a park on the other side of the street.

  “Let me walk you up.”

  I have no intention of letting this man leave tonight, but I only nod. We get out and I do my best to dodge the dirty gray snow that has yet to melt from the last storm. He takes my hand in his and we enter my apartment building as a unit, an unbreakable couple. Or so I hope. When we get to my door, I turn to ask him in. Before I can speak, he twines our fingers together.

  “I had a great night.”

  My jaw drops because he sounds like he’s actually going to leave. Then a sinful smirk appears on his mouth right before he dips his head and covers my lips with his. At first the gentle pressure is sweet. After one taste of him, everything changes. I reach up and tangle my fingers in his hair, trying to bring him closer. His hands land on my waist under my coat as I explore every inch of his mouth.

  When his grip tightens, I feel cool air on skin as my shirt lifts. He takes advantage, and I feel his fingertips glide across my bare skin, under my shirt and around to the small of my back.

  I’m breathing so hard when I pull back and say, “Please stay tonight.”

  He stares at me a second before he captures my mouth in a hot tangle of emotions. Then he strips the keys from my other hand that dangle at my side. Quickly, the door opens at my back. His hand steadies me as we step inside with tandem precision without a breath between us.

  As the door closes behind us, I let my purse fall. He takes a step back to heatedly glance over me. I decide to give him more of a view, so I let my coat fall to pool at my feet. I kick it aside as he takes his own coat off with more care. He blindly places it on the high kitchen counter behind him that separates the kitchen from the tiny living room.

  Then he steps into me and cups my chin possessively to expose my neck. He places a hot trail of kisses down toward my shoulder as I try to remain standing. When he reaches my collar bone, his hands shift. He lifts his head and his eyes are focused on me. He slowly pushes my sweater up while his hands roam over my ribcage and then over my breasts, which instantly feel heavier. Once my bra is fully exposed, he latches onto my nipple through the thin fabric while continuing to skim the sweater up my arms. When it reaches my wrist, he holds my arms there to stretch over my head as I feel myself grow wet with need.

  “Please,” I beg for everything and nothing at the same time.

  His hot mouth releases my breast as he slowly faces me. His lips are but a whisper from my own.

  “What Cate? What do you want from me?”

  I squirm, trying to close my legs tight enough to create the pressure I seek between my thighs. His next move shows he knows what I want. His free hand cups me through the fabric of my pants and the heel of his palm presses against my nub just hard enough to make me needier, but not yet fulfilled.

  “Andy,” I breathe.

  Instantly, his hand is gone and I groan in frustration. “Tell me what you want, sweet Cate.”

  “I want you.”

  “I know that,” he says confidently. His words or maybe his voice ratchets up my desire for him. “Be specific, Cate.”

  “Make love to me.”

  He moves in and sucks my lower lip into his mouth. He gently bites it before releasing it with a quiet pop. “I’m afraid I can’t make love to you Cate.”

  I’m devastated because he sounds serious. Only his hand is back. This time he uses his thumb to circle my clit before pressing it hard. I cry out as Louise begins to fire on all cylinders. Like a sadist, he pulls back just before the final countdown has ended.

  “Why?” I ask in frustration.

  His answer comes when his deft hands undoes my pants. It takes a second before they tangle at my ankles. I feel trapped. It should frighten me, but just like how he took me on the balcony turned me on, I am ready and willing to be at his mercy. Still, I kick the pants to the side.

  He still hasn’t answered me even though my heavy lids droop as I voicelessly plead with him. His hand is back and I’m not sure whether I should be embarrassed as his fingers press my damp thong against my hot skin. I don’t have time to explore those thoughts. His skilled fingers easily slip the fabric barrier to the side as he shoves two fingers inside me.

  “You’re wet for me.”

  “Yes, always.” I admit it, hoping for points so he gives me what I want.

  I buck my hips against his thrust, ready to do anything if he would just let me come. The build up to my orgasm is quicker now because I’ve yet to spill over the edge. I want to curse him when he pulls them out before I can find release.

  “Please,” I plead again.

  He groans and presses me into the wall with the full weight of his body. I feel his erection grind into me but only once. Then his body stills.

  “I can’t Cate. I can’t make love to you.”

  Confused to the point of exasperation, I whine. “I don’t understand. Why can’t you?”

  His hips rub against mine again. It’s maddening when I know he wants me as much as I want him. I try to pull against his restraining hand at my wrist because I know if I can touch him, I can change his mind.

  He puts some space between us and I arch my back trying to keep contact with his lower half. Only he pushes me back into the wall with a firm hand on my center as he guides my bottom to meet the wall. I moan as his touch lights a fire in me. Again, he removes his hand, but I’m encouraged by the sound of him undoing his belt.

  “I can’t make love to you Cate because I have to fuck you first.”

  I don’t have time to process his words. He releases my wrist and he spins me around to face the wall. Then he lines himself up to rub against the cleft of my ass. I drop my hands to reach back and touch him, only he snags my wrist.

  “No touching. Not yet.”

  He takes my other wrist and uses what feels like the leather of his belt to bind me as my cheek presses against the cool wall. It feels wicked and the desire in me intensifies. I’ve never done this before, but I feel safe with him. I know he won’t hurt me.

  He takes my shoulders and turns me to face him before he steps back to ad
mire his handiwork.

  “God Cate, you’re so damn beautiful.”

  His kisses me hard and I writhe, waiting for him to make his next move.

  “You’re not afraid are you?”

  I shake my head, unable to form words.

  “Good, because I’m going to fuck you now.”

  His thumbs slip underneath the hem of his boxer briefs. As he tugs them down, his impressive erection springs free like a divining rod. He steps forward and lifts me with remarkable strength, using the wall like an elevator shaft. Up I go, my arms pinned between me and the wall. When I stop, I feel his tip at my entrance.

  “I want you bare, Cate. I’ve never been with anyone else skin to skin. I want no barriers between us.”

  “Yes, please. I haven’t been with anyone else since you.”

  His grin is anything but sweet. It’s sinful. Then he lets gravity pull me down around him. My back pulls away from the wall as my body bows from the contact.

  “Fuck,” he growls.

  I voice my pleasure with mewls and other nonsensical words. Managing to hold me up with one arm, he uses the other to take hold of my head and angle me for a kiss. His tongue penetrates my mouth just as impressively as he fucks me mercilessly against the wall. I’m sure I’ll have bruises in the morning and I don’t care.

  Taking me by surprise, he pulls out and sets me on my feet only to turn me around. With a hand pressed to my shoulder, he bends me over a little before he enters me again with striking force. I’d bang my head against the wall if not for his hand holding my hips steady. I feel off balance, but the pleasure is beginning to eclipse anything else as my brain clouds, clearing any coherent thoughts.

  He slips his hand around my waist and applies pressure to my clit. His other hand grabs my breast and tweaks my nipple. His shift in movement allows him to go deeper inside me at a different angle. It touches something inside that sends me shooting off like a bottle rocket. I explode and scream out my pleasure. He’s relentless. The sound of our flesh slapping against each other is enough to start another orgasm building within me on the heels of the last.